Ok, so you met a girl at a bar or at the park or somewhere else and the interaction seemed to have gone pretty well and you got her phone number. Now what do you do?
If you're the average PUA, you probably think you should bust out your best "text game" tactics and text her. Now, this isn't totally incorrect, but I want to offer you a mental switch, because even more than texting her, your real goal should be to get her on the phone. Why is this? Well, it's because your REAL goal (yes, even more real than getting her on the phone) is to get her on a DATE. And what's the best way to get a girl on a date? On the phone. Not through text. Texting is best used as a bridge to prevent things from getting stale and as a bridge to a phone call.
If this is obvious to you already, that's good, but I get lots of questions from guys who are curious how they should get a girl on a date and the first mistake that MOST of them make is asking girls out through text. YOU are probably guilty of this. There are lots of reasons why asking a girl on a date is MUCH better on the phone than through text. This is pretty much always true, but it's ESPECIALLY true if you had a short initial interaction with her and even more true if you never met the girl in person at all (like if you met her online or it's a blind date). The reason is that on the phone you become much more of a real person than you are through text. A girl has to know that the date won't be awkward (most girls hate being in awkward situations), so if you can have a 30 minute phone conversation with her that isn't awkward and keeps her entertained, she'll be much more likely to want to go on a date with you.
So, stop trying to set up dates through text and grow some balls and call her! I'm serious!
Now of course this doesn't mean that I don't text girls. I usually text a girl the same day I met her if I met her during the daytime or the I'll text her the next day if I met her at night. BUT, I ALWAYS call girls when I'm trying to get them on a date.
(I also want to point out the fact that a lot of guys will sloppily get a girl's phone number and then when the girl starts to flake, the guy will want to know all sorts of ninja techniques to get her interested enough to go on a date with him. The truth of the matter is that if a girl is flaking on you, it most likely is because of something you did or didn't do in the initial interaction. Yes, there are techniques to get a girl who is flaking to turn around, but NONE of them work as well as doing everything properly in the initial interaction and then striking while the iron's hot and calling her.)
Now, after we've texted a little bit back and forth (maybe for a day or two) it's about time for me to get this girl on the phone and set up a date with her. I don't want to wait more than a few days after we met to call her, because it's ALWAYS BETTER TO STRIKE WHILE THE IRONS HOT.
So, in order to get her on the phone, I'll send her a text like this:
"Hahaa omg something totally just reminded me of you."
99% of the time, she'll text back something like "Omg what is it?!?"
Then I'll just respond "Hold on, I'm kinda busy right now, I'll call you in a little bit. Haha it's pretty funny."
Now she'll be eager to pick up the phone when I call because she'll be curious what reminded me of her. Super easy. Before I started using those 2 lines, I would say about 5 out of 10 girls picked up the phone when I called. After starting to use just those 2 simple lines, my percentages changed to about 9 out of 10. I'm not kidding. Nowadays, usually the only time a girl won't pick up the phone when I call is because she genuinely is busy. But most of the time, girls will pick up when I call.
Then, when I call her (usually about an hour later, sometimes more) I'll go right into the story. I used to use "The Gym Fart Story" which I learned from Sinn, which is basically just a story about a girl who farted in the gym. Nowadays, I've been using a story from my actual life, which is just about this 5 year old kid in my taekwon do class who peed all over himself by accident. (The 2 stories in more detail are posted at the bottom of this post.) These stories are a great way to get over that initial awkwardness when you talk to somebody on the phone for the first time, which is especially prevalent in the generation of people under 30 (which includes myself) since young people today spend less and less time on the phone and more and more time with other types of communication (i.e. texting, facebook etc.) They get passed that awkwardness and get the girl laughing pretty much immediately. Its great. Then, when I'm done telling my quick little story, I'll just simply transition into a normal conversation. "What are you up to right now? I'm doing blah blah blah." I'll literally just talk about things I'm excited for that are coming up in my life, ask about whats going on in her life etc. I usually have a pretty normal conversation on the phone, spiced up with teases and stuff like that here and there. Again, the girl already likes me, I don't have to do anything too crazy.
When I ask girls on a date, I keep it VERY simple most of the time. After we've been talking for about 30 minutes (the longer the better, but don't think that you HAVE to have a 2 hour conversation) I'll simply say "You're adorable and you seem really cool so far. Whats you're schedule like for the next few days?" I'm basically just "assuming the sale" as they say in the sales world or "assuming that date." This should work for you most of the time. DON'T OVERTHINK IT! That's generally all you need. If you got her number and you having been texting back and forth and then you had a 30 minute fun, flirty, interesting phone call, then its already assumed that you guys at least sort of like each other, so it should also be assumed that you're going to go on a date with her. Gotta have the winner's mentality.
There are more complex ways of getting her on a date, but those will be for a more advanced post. But, honestly, I use this sequence most of the time. Fuck doing extra shit, because a lot of the time, you don't need extra shit.
So, next time you want to get a girl on a date:
1. CALL HER
2. USE THOSE 2 LINES TO GET HER TO PICK UP THE PHONE
3.THEN, SIMPLY ASK HER ON A DATE
Hope that helps!
E-mail me with any specific questions. blackandwhitepickup@gmail.com
*Gym Fart Story*
So I was at the gym today with my friend Emma. Normally I workout at home, but she always wants me to go to the gym with her, because she loves having a gym buddy. But anyway, I was at the gym and there is this girl who's like literally always there. Like, I swear she lives at the gym. She's there everytime I go. I've said hi to her a few times, but I've never actually had a conversation with her. So, we were working out right next to each other and its really quiet in the gym, nobody's talking, everybodys just doing their own thing working out and all of a sudden....(pause)...she lets out the loudest...(pause) fart in the entire world. (At this point I'm half laughing as I'm talking.) Like, I'm sure it wasn't actually that loud, but since everybody was so quiet it felt like the loudest thing ever. At first I wasn't laughing, eventhough I thought it was hilarious. I didn't want to make the girl any more embaressed than she already was, but I heard my friend kind of snicker in the background and once I heard that I just let out a loud laugh. Haha, I felt so bad for her. And for a little bit she was trying to play it off, but after a minute she walked out of the gym. She was probably so embaressed hahaa. But anyway, the reason it reminded me of you is because when I left the gym, I saw her standing outside, so I decided that I had to go over and talk to her because I didn't want her to feel awkward. I don't even remember what I said to her, but I struck up a conversation with her and she's actually really cool, like I think we're kinda friends now, but anyway her name is Sarah and obviously YOUR name is Sarah so I just thought it was weird that I met two people named Sarah within a few days of each other.
OR..but anyway, she's really into soccer and you said you're really into soccer too, so I just thought it was weird that I met 2 people really into soccer within a few days of each other. Thats all."
Credit: Sinn
*Kid Pees Himself Story*
I was at my Taekwon Do class today and before class started I went to the bathroom and I while I was at the urinal, this little kid who's in my class, named Ryan comes in. He's like 5 years old. Its an all age, all skill level class. So anyway, he comes in and he walks into the stall to pee and he immediately he walks right out of the stall because somebody had left a huge disgusting mess in the toilet. So his only other option is to use the one urinal in there. Its a small bathroom. But, that urinal is too tall for him. So, while I'm washing my hands, I see him struggling trying to pee in the this urinal thats too tall for him and he ends up peeing all over himself. I'm like "Ryan, you alright? You need help?" He didn't even answer me because he was obviously embarressed and he ran out of the bathroom with pee all over his taekwon do pants. (You should be half laughing and half showing that you felt concerned for him). He was sooooo embarressed, he just sat in the back of class with his head down for a while. I felt bad for him. But anyway, the reason it reminded me of you is because I was talking to his dad after class and he started talking about xyz and when I met you, YOU were talking about xyz (soccer, art, reading, a particular movie etc. ANYthing you guys talked about in your initial interaction with the girl.)
As you can see, in both of these stories, the reason for why the story reminded you of the girl is almost irrelevant. The only reasons I tell her the story is to get her on the phone in the first place and to get a laugh out of her pretty quickly after getting her on the phone. I like the Kid Pees Himself Story because it gets 2 emotions out of the girl. If you tell the story right, she should be laughing and saying "awwwww" at the same time.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Staying OUT of the FRIEND ZONE!
Its funny, staying out of the friend zone is not even something that crosses my mind anymore because its such a non-issue to me, but when I go on forums, it seems like there are always questions from guys who are concerned that they might fall into the friend zone with a particular girl they're after.
If you are concerned that you might fall into the friend zone with a girl, it is BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HITTING ON HER. If you hit on a girl (i.e express sexual interest in her) then you WILL NOT fall into the friend zone. At that point its just a matter of whether or not she accepts your interest in her and shows interest back. So, with that said, the question guys should ask is:
"How should I express interest in this girl I'm talking to?"
So, that will be the question I will answer in this post, because displaying sexual interest in a girl is the best way to stay out of the friend zone. There's no way around it.
Lets get started. First of all, I'd also like to point out that fact that I rarely do indirect anymore. I only do indirect when going direct would just be weird and unnecessary. If I feel like I could go direct OR indirect, than I will almost always go direct. I do this for a bunch of reasons. One, it saves time because it cuts out a lot of bullshit, but also it shows sexual interest right from the beginning so there's NO way I could possibly fall into the friend zone if I'm showing interest in her from the second I met her. (When it's better to go direct and when it's better to go indirect and the pros and cons of each will be for another blog post.)
Now, even when I go indirect, I express interest in the girl as quick as possible. I might say something like:
"You're adorable. Ughh, I hate you!"
Of course this is just a quick push-pull line, but it still gets it out on the table that I think she's adorable.
Or I might say something like:
"You're adorable. And that's awesome that you're into xyz. I love people who do xyz. This is bad, I'm totally gonna have to start hitting on you in the middle of this library/grocery store/coffee shop etc. I have no shame in my game :)"
You can always just throw these lines out there and see how the girl reacts to it (assuming that the set is AT LEAST going OK), but if you feel the need to show a little bit softer interest in her first, you can basically just relate things about her back to girls you've dated in the past and compliment her on it "OMG, you do xyz? I used to date a girl who did xyz, she was awesome, so I guess I can assume you're awesome too...hopefully."
or
"Thank god you don't do xyz, I used to date a girl who did xyz and she was a little weird, so hopefully you're sane."
(That's basically just qualification, which is another big piece of this puzzle, but a more in depth post on qualification will come later.)
Either way, you are going to have to compliment her and express interest in her. You can immediately follow your compliment with a tease ("Ugh I hate you!" "I can't even talk to you anymore!" "But you ARE very dorky."), but even you follow your compliments with a tease, you still have to compliment her!!
If you find yourself in the friend zone with a girl, I can almost GUARANTEE that you did not display sexual interest in her. If you did display sexual interest in her and she still puts you in the friend zone, then she is simply just not into you.
If you are concerned that you might fall into the friend zone with a girl, it is BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT HITTING ON HER. If you hit on a girl (i.e express sexual interest in her) then you WILL NOT fall into the friend zone. At that point its just a matter of whether or not she accepts your interest in her and shows interest back. So, with that said, the question guys should ask is:
"How should I express interest in this girl I'm talking to?"
So, that will be the question I will answer in this post, because displaying sexual interest in a girl is the best way to stay out of the friend zone. There's no way around it.
Lets get started. First of all, I'd also like to point out that fact that I rarely do indirect anymore. I only do indirect when going direct would just be weird and unnecessary. If I feel like I could go direct OR indirect, than I will almost always go direct. I do this for a bunch of reasons. One, it saves time because it cuts out a lot of bullshit, but also it shows sexual interest right from the beginning so there's NO way I could possibly fall into the friend zone if I'm showing interest in her from the second I met her. (When it's better to go direct and when it's better to go indirect and the pros and cons of each will be for another blog post.)
Now, even when I go indirect, I express interest in the girl as quick as possible. I might say something like:
"You're adorable. Ughh, I hate you!"
Of course this is just a quick push-pull line, but it still gets it out on the table that I think she's adorable.
Or I might say something like:
"You're adorable. And that's awesome that you're into xyz. I love people who do xyz. This is bad, I'm totally gonna have to start hitting on you in the middle of this library/grocery store/coffee shop etc. I have no shame in my game :)"
You can always just throw these lines out there and see how the girl reacts to it (assuming that the set is AT LEAST going OK), but if you feel the need to show a little bit softer interest in her first, you can basically just relate things about her back to girls you've dated in the past and compliment her on it "OMG, you do xyz? I used to date a girl who did xyz, she was awesome, so I guess I can assume you're awesome too...hopefully."
or
"Thank god you don't do xyz, I used to date a girl who did xyz and she was a little weird, so hopefully you're sane."
(That's basically just qualification, which is another big piece of this puzzle, but a more in depth post on qualification will come later.)
Either way, you are going to have to compliment her and express interest in her. You can immediately follow your compliment with a tease ("Ugh I hate you!" "I can't even talk to you anymore!" "But you ARE very dorky."), but even you follow your compliments with a tease, you still have to compliment her!!
If you find yourself in the friend zone with a girl, I can almost GUARANTEE that you did not display sexual interest in her. If you did display sexual interest in her and she still puts you in the friend zone, then she is simply just not into you.
Pushing Things Forward
Hey guys!
Today I want to talk about something that I see a lot of guys doing, that REALLY hurts their game.
Watch the clip above from "Night at the Roxbury." Although the clip is silly, it REALLY speaks to something that A LOT of guys do. And when I say A LOT, I mean A LOT. So many guys will not push things forward with girls, because they think they still have to do more pick-up artist stuff. There are so many times when I will see a guys doing magic tricks or still trying to neg or tease the girl, when the girl is already ready to move on to the next phases. If I could break "game" down into one sentence, it would be this: A series of tests to see how into you the girl is and if you should move on to the next phase." Its as simple as that.
From time to time, I'm even reminded of this in my OWN game. For instance, the other week I was at a bar and I was talking to a girl for a little while and out of nowhere she just said "Do you wanna make out?" I was still talking about whatever the hell I was talking about and she was already mentally past that and ready to make out.
Another instance of this is one time I was on a date with really hot girl I met at CVS. We were at her apartment and we were making out on her couch. We had only been making out for a minute or two and I planned on making out with her for about another 5-10 minutes (generally its good to make out with a girl for 10-15 minutes before trying to initiate any sex, to help prevent LMR) and out of nowhere, she blurted out "I don't wanna sound slutty, but do you want to take this to the bedroom?" She was already ahead of me.
Now, of course there's no way for me to know if a girl is ready to have sex after only a minute of making out, but my point is this:
Don't think that you have to stay in each phase forever. Think of each phase as an opportunity to get you to the next phase. Once you open a set, your first objective is to get off the opener and into a conversation. Then your objective is to create some attraction. Then your objective is to see if the girl qualifies herself to you. Then your objective is to move her away from her friends. Then your objective is to make out with her. Then your objective is get her out of the bar and back to your place. Then your objective is to escalate further into sex. Each part doesn't mean anything if you can't get to the next part. In my mind, the only reason ANY phase exists is simply to get to the next phase.
A lot of guys get stuck in certain phases because they are afraid to try to get into the next phase. I think a big reason for this is that guys don't want to lose what they already have. If a guy opens a set and the set is engaging in a conversation with him, then he doesn't want to try to tease because he's afraid of losing the set. If the guy teases the girl and she reacts well, then he becomes afraid to try to isolate her because again, he's afraid of losing the set. He's afraid to lose what he already has. You HAVE To be willing to lose the set to get anywhere. If you're afraid of losing sets, then you might as well not even open because you could lose the set on the opener.
Bottom line: DO NOT be afraid to push things forward to the next step, because there is no point in doing ANYTHING if you're not going to push it forward. Why get a girls number if you're too scared to call? Why get her back to your place if you're too scared to try to have sex with her?
OK, I'm rambling now, but hopefully you get my point.
PEACE!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Overthinking Things
Hey guys!
Today I wanted to talk about something that causes a lot of guys problems. Overthinking.
A large number of questions I receive from guys learning pick up, boil down to the fact that the guy is just overthinking things.
A big problem with this is that you will sit and think "Ok, so how should I ask this girl out?" or "How should I ask this girl for her phone number?" or whatever it might be, instead of just simply saying "Hey, lets hangout" or "Hey put your number in my phone."
Yes, there are better ways to number close or ask a girl to hangout, but keeping it simple and just asking a girl to hangout or for her number is A TRILLION times better than overthinking it and missing the opportunity all together.
(Honestly, 9 out of 10 times that I ask a girl on a date, its as simple as "You're adorable, and you seem awesome so far. Whats your schedule like for the next few days?" And whichever day she says shes free, I just say lets hangout that day (provided that I'm free that day as well.) There's no need to overcomplicate things and have some elaborate way of asking her on a date.
I sort of blame the pick-up community for this, because the community forces this idea down your throat that if you can't pick up every girl you talk to then you're some sort of loser. Its getting better in recent years, with guys kind of realizing that the idea of going 5 for 5 and shit like that is bullshit, but it hasn't come full circle yet and a lot of guys still think they need all sorts of ridiculous pick up lines.
So, bottom line: when you find yourself in a situation where you're not exactly sure what to do, just do SOMETHING. Because doing nothing does not help and you learn nothing when do nothing. If you do SOMETHING, even if it doesn't work, you will learn what works and what doesn't work. And that's really what you want. To learn. Those lessons are priceless.
Today I wanted to talk about something that causes a lot of guys problems. Overthinking.
A large number of questions I receive from guys learning pick up, boil down to the fact that the guy is just overthinking things.
A big problem with this is that you will sit and think "Ok, so how should I ask this girl out?" or "How should I ask this girl for her phone number?" or whatever it might be, instead of just simply saying "Hey, lets hangout" or "Hey put your number in my phone."
Yes, there are better ways to number close or ask a girl to hangout, but keeping it simple and just asking a girl to hangout or for her number is A TRILLION times better than overthinking it and missing the opportunity all together.
(Honestly, 9 out of 10 times that I ask a girl on a date, its as simple as "You're adorable, and you seem awesome so far. Whats your schedule like for the next few days?" And whichever day she says shes free, I just say lets hangout that day (provided that I'm free that day as well.) There's no need to overcomplicate things and have some elaborate way of asking her on a date.
I sort of blame the pick-up community for this, because the community forces this idea down your throat that if you can't pick up every girl you talk to then you're some sort of loser. Its getting better in recent years, with guys kind of realizing that the idea of going 5 for 5 and shit like that is bullshit, but it hasn't come full circle yet and a lot of guys still think they need all sorts of ridiculous pick up lines.
So, bottom line: when you find yourself in a situation where you're not exactly sure what to do, just do SOMETHING. Because doing nothing does not help and you learn nothing when do nothing. If you do SOMETHING, even if it doesn't work, you will learn what works and what doesn't work. And that's really what you want. To learn. Those lessons are priceless.
Black and White Pick Up INTRO
Hey everybody!
I just wanted to introduce myself, my partner and my company so you know a little bit about who we are and why you should even want to listen to our advice on pick up and dating.
I go by the name Dave Urkel. I have trained and taught with some of the best PUAs in the world. Five years ago I took a bootcamp with Speer (former coach for the Mystery Method) and about three years ago, I did a year-long program with Sinn (former head coach for the Mystery Method and also rated # 1 PUA in the world by TSB magazine). It was with Sinn that I really "got good" with women. At the end of my year-long program with Sinn, he invited me to speak at a conference that he was holding with Carlos Xuma. He also invited me to teach with him, which was a lot of fun and a great learning experience.
Now, after all that I decided to create my own pick-up company with my wing Neat.0. Neat.0 has been with me throughout my entire journey, learning with me and crafting our skills together. He can do some amazing things in field.
At Black and White Pick-Up, we like to keep things...well, black and white. Having gone through the learning process of pick-up ourselves, we know how hard this journey can be. All the misinformation out there and pick-up companies misleading people actually angers me. Improving your dating life is not always the easiest thing in the world, so the last thing I want to do is mislead people and make it even harder. Our goal is to cut right to the chase and give you guys the information you need to ACTUALLY GET GOOD with women, instead of talking about theories and fantasies that are not true.
I just wanted to introduce myself, my partner and my company so you know a little bit about who we are and why you should even want to listen to our advice on pick up and dating.
I go by the name Dave Urkel. I have trained and taught with some of the best PUAs in the world. Five years ago I took a bootcamp with Speer (former coach for the Mystery Method) and about three years ago, I did a year-long program with Sinn (former head coach for the Mystery Method and also rated # 1 PUA in the world by TSB magazine). It was with Sinn that I really "got good" with women. At the end of my year-long program with Sinn, he invited me to speak at a conference that he was holding with Carlos Xuma. He also invited me to teach with him, which was a lot of fun and a great learning experience.
Now, after all that I decided to create my own pick-up company with my wing Neat.0. Neat.0 has been with me throughout my entire journey, learning with me and crafting our skills together. He can do some amazing things in field.
At Black and White Pick-Up, we like to keep things...well, black and white. Having gone through the learning process of pick-up ourselves, we know how hard this journey can be. All the misinformation out there and pick-up companies misleading people actually angers me. Improving your dating life is not always the easiest thing in the world, so the last thing I want to do is mislead people and make it even harder. Our goal is to cut right to the chase and give you guys the information you need to ACTUALLY GET GOOD with women, instead of talking about theories and fantasies that are not true.
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